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What's Your Communication Style?

Communication, the cornerstone of human interaction, influences the fabric of our relationships. In this article, we delve into four distinct communication styles - assertive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and passive - each casting a unique light on our interactions and impacting us both as individuals and in our relationships.



The Power of Assertive Communication

Assertive communication is a balanced approach where thoughts and feelings find expression while respecting the perspectives of others. This style fosters self-confidence and encourages open conversations, leading to healthier interactions.


On Yourself: Assertive communication boosts self-esteem by allowing honest self-expression. It minimizes stress and promotes a sense of control over your thoughts and emotions.


On Others: Interactions with assertive communicators are marked by mutual respect. This style strengthens relationships based on trust and understanding.


Example: Your teenage child consistently comes home late without letting you know. In an assertive manner, you might say, "I understand you want more freedom, but it worries me when you don't let us know where you are. Let's discuss a way to balance your independence with our need to know you're safe."


Navigating Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communication takes a forceful stance, often overshadowing the needs of others. This style can lead to anxiety and strained relationships due to its confrontational nature.


On Yourself: Aggressive communication raises stress levels and hampers emotional well-being. The desire for control can lead to heightened frustration.


On Others: Aggression intimidates and alienates others, eroding trust and causing discomfort.


Example: Your sibling borrowed your car without asking and returned it with a scratch. In an aggressive manner, you might say, "You're so irresponsible! You can't even take care of my things. You owe me money for the damage you caused!"


The Intricacies of Passive-Aggressive Communication

Passive-aggressive communication involves hidden expressions of resentment and dissatisfaction. This approach can foster misunderstandings and create an atmosphere of unease.


On Yourself: Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior leads to internal conflict and guilt due to unexpressed emotions.


On Others: Passive-aggressive behavior confuses others, straining relationships as the underlying negativity remains concealed.


Example: Your partner often forgets to take out the trash despite agreeing to do so. In a passive-aggressive manner, you might say, "Oh, I noticed you left the trash again. It must be so hard to remember, right?"


The Subtlety of Passive Communication

Passive communication avoids confrontation by yielding to others' preferences. While this approach aims to maintain harmony, it can lead to unmet needs and a lack of self-assertion.


On Yourself: Passive communication often fosters frustration and dissatisfaction, as your own needs take a back seat.


On Others: Passive communicators inadvertently allow others to dominate conversations, impacting the balance of relationships.


Example: Your parents have planned a family trip during a time when you have important work commitments. In a passive manner, you might say, "I guess I can rearrange my schedule. It's not a big deal."


The Importance of Recognizing Your Communication Style

Recognizing your communication style offers valuable insights into how you engage with the world. Each style has distinct implications, affecting both your well-being and relationships.


1. Self-Awareness: Understanding your style empowers you to navigate conversations with self-assurance, enhancing personal growth.


2. Conflict Resolution: Being aware of your style aids in conflict resolution by helping you adapt your approach to encourage productive discussions.


3. Building Relationships: Acknowledging your style assists in fostering connections built on respect, enhancing your ability to express yourself openly.


4. Personal Growth: Recognizing your style presents an opportunity for growth, enabling you to develop more effective communication skills.


In conclusion, communication styles shape our interactions in profound ways. By grasping the nuances of assertive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and passive approaches, you equip yourself to navigate conversations with greater awareness, fostering healthier relationships and personal development.






Debra Bragança is a registered Counsellor with The Australian Counselling Association and works with both adults and couples impacted from trauma, anxiety, chronic illness, depression and relationship issues, including affairs.



She is trained in a number of evidence-based therapies including CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy), ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) and Gottman Couples Therapy, including Affair Recovery.

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