Change Is Inevitable -Disconnection Doesn’t Have to Be

Life will change - whether you’re in a relationship or walking your path alone. New jobs. Health challenges. Kids growing up. Losses. New dreams. Aging parents. These changes don’t ask permission - they arrive and shift the landscape of your life.

For individuals and couples alike, change is one of life’s only constants. But how we respond to that change determines whether we grow closer or feel more disconnected, more grounded or more lost.

In my work as a counsellor, I’ve walked alongside individuals and couples navigating these shifts and I’ve seen how painful, confusing and isolating it can be when life doesn’t unfold the way you expected. But I’ve also seen how these moments can lead to powerful personal and relational growth.

In this post, we’ll look at how life transitions can affect your emotional wellbeing and relationships, what often goes wrong and how to move forward -on your own or together -with awareness, compassion and connection.

The Truth About Change: It Doesn’t Wait

Whether it’s starting a new job, facing a medical diagnosis, managing an aging parent’s care, or watching your children grow and become independent, change is inevitable. Some of it we welcome. Some of it we resist. But all of it impacts who we are and how we relate to the people around us.

Examples of Everyday Changes That Shift the Ground Beneath You:

• A promotion brings more income, but also longer hours and less energy for your relationship.

• You or your partner are facing health issues for the first time - high blood pressure, perimenopause or chronic fatigue and it’s affecting your energy, intimacy and emotional resilience.

• Career changes or job losses bring financial pressure and questions about purpose and identity.

• The kids are becoming more independent or have left home and you're wondering what now defines your role as a parent and as a couple.

• Your partner begins a new hobby that lights them up but leaves you feeling left behind.

These aren’t rare or dramatic scenarios - they’re part of normal life. But when we don’t acknowledge the internal impact of external change, we often end up feeling alone, unheard, or unsupported.

Why Change Can Hurt Relationships

When you're in a relationship, you’re not only evolving on your own - you’re evolving alongside someone else. And here’s where the tension begins:

• You don’t always change in sync.

• One person may want to grow, while the other fears what that growth might mean.

• What worked five years ago might not work anymore.

This often leads to emotional misalignment, where one partner feels they’re moving forward while the other is standing still or where both are changing, but in different directions.

What This Can Look Like:

• A couple that used to share everything now finds themselves in parallel lives, rarely checking in.

• One partner begins therapy or personal development and the other feels left out or defensive.

• Communication becomes surface-level, with hard conversations avoided because “it’s just easier that way.”

• Conflict arises not because of what’s changing but because the change isn’t being talked about.

How This Affects Individuals

Even outside of a romantic relationship, change can throw you off balance.

You might question your identity after a job loss. You might feel like a stranger to yourself during menopause or after a health scare. You might carry unspoken grief from a life stage ending - like children moving out or friendships fading.

Without space to process these changes, you can become:

• Anxious or irritable

• Withdrawn or numb

• Hyper-independent or overly reliant on others

• Stuck in old coping strategies that no longer work

It’s not the change itself that causes harm - it’s what we do (or don’t do) with it emotionally.

The Emotional Toll: Disconnection and Misunderstanding

When change isn’t acknowledged or processed, it creates a gap between you and your partner - or between you and your own sense of self.

You might start to think:

• “They don’t understand me anymore.”

• “I feel like I’ve lost myself.”

• “We used to be so close - what happened?”

• “Maybe this relationship just isn’t working.”

Or, if you're single:

• “I should have it all figured out by now.”

• “Everyone else seems to be moving forward - why am I stuck?”

These beliefs can create shame, isolation and sometimes lead to disconnection, affairs, or breakdowns in communication.

The Opportunity Inside the Change

But here’s the good news: change can also be the start of something better - something more aligned, authentic and connected. The key isn’t avoiding change, it’s learning how to move through it with emotional engagement.

Let’s go back to these questions:

• Do you make space to talk openly about what’s shifting inside each of you?

• Can you support each other’s growth, even when it challenges your comfort zone?

• Are you willing to learn new ways of being together, not because the old ones were wrong but because you’re evolving?

5 Ways to Grow Through Change (Individually or as a Couple)

1. Name What’s Changing

You can’t address what you haven’t acknowledged. Set aside quiet time to reflect or journal:

• What’s shifting in my life right now?

• What emotions are coming up?

• What am I afraid of losing or hoping to gain?

If you're in a relationship, share this with each other. Keep it curious, not critical.

Example: “I’ve noticed that since I started this new job, I feel more pressure and less patience. I don’t want that to affect us, but I think it already has.”

2. Revisit Your Relationship “Map”

The way you related five years ago may not work today and that’s okay.

Ask yourselves:

• What used to work that no longer fits?

• What do we need now that we didn’t before?

• How can we co-create new ways of being together?

This might mean adjusting routines, redefining roles, or updating how you show love and support.

3. Stay Emotionally Engaged

Change can tempt us to shut down or pull away. Instead, lean into emotional connection.

This looks like:

• Checking in regularly, not just when there’s a crisis

• Saying, “I miss us,” rather than blaming

• Being vulnerable about your fears and hopes

• Offering empathy before solutions

Emotional engagement is what keeps relationships alive during uncertain times.

4. Respect Each Other’s Growth

Even when your paths diverge slightly, you can still walk side-by-side.

Support looks like:

• Encouraging your partner’s personal goals, even if they scare you

• Celebrating growth instead of resenting it

• Being honest when you feel left behind but staying open, not defensive

This builds secure attachment where both partners feel seen, valued and safe to evolve.

5. Seek Counselling When You’re Stuck

Sometimes, you’ve tried everything and still feel like you’re speaking different languages.

That’s where individual or couples counselling can help. Working with a therapist gives you:

• A safe space to explore what’s shifting

• Skills to communicate with clarity and compassion

• A neutral perspective to understand patterns you can’t see alone

• Support to reconnect with yourself and/or your partner

Counselling isn’t a last resort - it’s an investment in your emotional wellbeing and relational future.

Life Will Keep Changing - You Can Too

There’s no pause button on life. Whether you’re navigating change as an individual or a couple, the invitation is the same: stay engaged, stay honest and stay open to what’s possible.

Growth isn’t about perfection. It's about becoming more you and learning how to stay connected, even when life gets messy.

Need to Talk?

At Anchoring Your Life Counselling, I offer counselling for women and relationship counselling in Redlands for those who are ready to move through life’s changes with more awareness, connection and compassion. So, whether you’re struggling to adapt, feeling disconnected, or just want to understand yourself or your relationship better, I’m here to help.

Debra Bragança is a registered Counsellor with The Australian Counselling Association. She supports adults, couples and families to help them work through life's many challenges.

She is trained in a number of evidence-based therapies including CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy), ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy), Emotionally Focused Therapy for Individuals, Couples & Families (EFT), Gottman Couples Method Therapy, including Affair & Trauma Recovery And is Certified in Clinical Trauma.