How Does Couples Counselling Help?

Supporting you both to understand how you get stuck in negative communication cycles and how to break the pattern.

​

Helping you to slow down your interactions in conflict situations so that you can both learn to understand how you both get triggered, how to make sense of what you are feeling and how to move through these situations in a better way whilst supporting yourself and your partner.

​

Helping you address the underlying issues that cause conflict and disconnection.  Anger is a primary emotion and often used as a form of self-defense and protection.  When you can express your vulnerabilities in safe way, it allows you to connect on a deeper level with your partner.

​

Providing you with a supportive space where you can discuss your concerns in a more productive way while also being gently challenged to ensure you are getting the most out of your sessions.

​

Offering you a gentle way of recognising and taking responsibility for your emotions and responses to one another so that you can develop healthier outcomes through new a means of communicating.

Allowing your feelings to be heard, validated and responded to which in turn builds empathy and trust so that each partner can move towards answering the question 'are you there for me?' with a resounding yes.

​

Providing you with the opportunity to end the marriage amicably, with dignity and respect, if this is the decision that has been reached.  (If married for less than two years you can attain a counselling certificate required for divorce)

The Science of Love: Why The Gottman Method Works

Based on 40+ years of relationship research with over 3,000 couples, the Gottman Method combines scientific assessment with proven therapies to provide effective treatment to couples, helping you build stronger, happier and more resilient relationships.

Over four decades ago, Dr. John Gottman set out to understand love through the lens of science.  He measured the behaviour, perception, and physiology of couples over time in his research lab (dubbed the “Love Lab”) at the University of Washington. Using the data collected, he was able to create equations for love and discern the mathematical dynamics of a relationship.

​

Surprisingly, even to him, he was able to predict with over 90% accuracy whether couples would stay together or break up.

​

The Gottman Method is one of, if not the most, research-based methodology for couples therapy internationally.  Studies using randomised clinical trials have been published in the Journal of Family Therapy and the Journal of Family Psychology endorsing the effectiveness of the Gottman Method.

The goals of the Gottman Therapy are clear and specific:

1.   Increasing connection and friendship,

2.   Addressing conflict constructively and reducing negative interaction,

3.   Building a life of shared meaning together.

​

The Gottman Method is not difficult to apply but it does necessitate a commitment to the process and a receptiveness to learning new skills. Both people in the relationship need to be willing to cooperate and contribute and couples will need to continue using the skills they learn outside the sessions.  If you and your partner are willing to do the work, you will gain a positive perception of your partner and find healthier ways to deal with problems as they arise in the future.

​

Gottman method couples therapy is generally not time-limited.  On average for couples seeking to enhance their relationship, it averages 5-10 therapy sessions;  for couples in distress, it averages 15-20 therapy sessions and for couples with serious comorbidities or an extramarital affair it averages 25-50 therapy sessions.  These sessions are based on 90-120 minutes. 

​

Marriage Counselling Redlands

When considering couples counselling you might ask, "is it worth it?".  This question is usually filled with reservations about the cost involved, the time and the effort and at the end of the day wondering if all these factors are going to be worth the outcome.  Well, there really are no guarantees, but, what I can tell you is what we do know, which is that:

​

• Couples who want to stay together, are willing to do the work and are committed to counselling sessions have an 84% chance of success.

• The average couple waits 6 years after problems start before seeking help for marital problems.  The sooner you start therapy the less likely issues will have had time to become ingrained.

• 69% of problems in relationships are perpetual, that is, they are related to differences in personality, values, etc.  Learning how to communicate about these problems is key.

• The cost of therapy far outweighs the emotional and financial cost of separation and divorce.

​

Sessions offered are in person or online and up to 60, 90 or 120 minutes, however, 90 minutes is usually required for your initial session.  

​