Do You or Your Partner Often Interrupt Each Other?
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
How Small Communication Habits Can Quietly Erode Connection
Do you ever notice that conversations with your partner feel more like a tennis match than a moment of connection?
One of you starts explaining something. The other jumps in. Voices rise slightly. Clarifications become corrections. Before long, you’re both defending your positions rather than actually listening.
Interrupting can seem small. Harmless, even.
But over time, it can quietly erode connection in ways many couples don’t realise until they’re already feeling distant.
In my work, this is one of the most common patterns I see. And the good news? It’s absolutely changeable.
Why Do Couples Interrupt Each Other?
Most of the time, interrupting isn’t about disrespect.
It’s often about:
Wanting to be understood
Feeling defensive
Trying to fix the problem quickly
Worrying you won’t get a chance to speak
Anxiety about where the conversation is heading
Imagine this:
Your partner says, “I felt unsupported when you didn’t come with me to dinner.”
Before they finish, you jump in with:
“But I told you I had work! You know how busy I am.”
You’re not trying to dismiss them. You’re trying to explain. To clarify. To protect yourself.
But what they hear is something very different.
What Interrupting Actually Feels Like to Your Partner
When someone is cut off mid-sentence, the emotional translation often sounds like this:
“I don’t matter.” “You’re not really listening.” “What I’m saying isn’t important.”
And that’s where hurt begins.
In couples counselling sessions, I often see this moment happen in real time. One partner is trying to express something vulnerable. The other interrupts. The first person’s body language shifts - shoulders drop, eyes turn away, tone hardens.
The conversation is no longer about the original issue. It’s about feeling unheard.
Over time, this pattern can lead to:
Emotional distance
Frequent arguments
Escalation over small issues
Resentment building quietly beneath the surface
Reduced intimacy and closeness
Whether you’re attending couples counselling in Redlands, or accessing online counselling in Australia, interrupting is often one of the first patterns we gently work on.
Because when listening changes, everything changes.
The Hidden Fear Behind Interrupting
Interrupting often comes from fear.
Fear that:
You won’t get a turn
You’ll be blamed
You’ll lose the argument
You won’t be understood
The conversation will spiral
For many couples, this pattern isn’t about the current relationship at all. It can be shaped by family dynamics, past relationships, or environments where speaking up meant fighting to be heard.
So when your partner interrupts, it may not be about control. It may be about protection.
Understanding this softens things.
And softening is where connection begins again.
A Simple Relationship Reset: Practice the Pause
Here’s a small shift that creates powerful change. I call it The Pause.
The next time your partner is speaking:
Notice the urge to jump in.
Take one slow breath.
Let them finish completely.
Reflect back one sentence: “So what you’re saying is…”
No fixing.
No defending.
Just understanding.
That’s it.
It sounds simple. But in practice, it can feel surprisingly difficult.
Because pausing requires emotional regulation. It requires tolerating discomfort. It requires allowing your partner’s experience to exist without immediately correcting it.
But here’s what happens next.
When people feel heard, they soften. When they soften, connection returns.
Everyday Examples Couples Relate To
The Mental Load Conversation
One partner says, “I feel like I’m doing everything around the house.”
The other interrupts: “That’s not true. I took the bins out!”
The conversation escalates.
Now try The Pause.
“I feel like I’m doing everything around the house.” Pause. Breath.
“So you’re feeling overwhelmed and like it’s mostly falling on you?”
Notice the difference?
You haven’t agreed. You haven’t admitted fault. You’ve simply acknowledged their experience.
That single shift often prevents a 45-minute argument.
Parenting Differences
“I don’t think we’re on the same page with the kids.”
Interrupt: “You always say that!”
Or pause:
“So you’re feeling unsure about how we’re handling things?”
The energy changes immediately.
Why Small Communication Shifts Matter in Long-Term Relationships
Many couples don’t seek relationship counselling because of one big betrayal or dramatic event.
They come because of repeated small disconnections.
Interrupting. Talking over each other. Feeling misunderstood. Escalating quickly.
Over months and years, these moments accumulate.
Connection isn’t usually lost overnight. It erodes gradually.
But the reverse is also true.
Connection can be rebuilt through small, consistent changes.
How Couples Counselling Helps Break the Interrupting Cycle
In couples counselling in Redlands and Brisbane, we work on:
Slowing conversations down
Identifying emotional triggers
Strengthening emotional safety
Learning structured listening tools
Building conflict resolution skills
For couples accessing online counselling across Australia, these tools translate just as effectively via telehealth sessions. The environment may be virtual, but the impact is very real.
Many couples are surprised by how quickly things shift once they feel genuinely heard.
The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict. All healthy relationships have disagreement.
The goal is to argue in a way that protects connection rather than damages it.
The Outcome Couples Often Experience
When interrupting decreases, couples often report:
Feeling calmer in conversations
Less defensiveness
More emotional safety
Reduced anxiety during conflict
Greater intimacy
Because at the heart of most conflict is one core need:
To feel heard.
And when that need is met, even partially, something shifts inside both people.
Walls lower. Voices soften. Conversations feel safer. Connection begins to rebuild.
Couples Counselling in Redlands, Brisbane and Online Across Australia
If you and your partner find yourselves talking over each other, finishing each other’s sentences in frustration, or feeling unheard during conflict, you are not alone.
This is one of the most common relationship challenges I see.
It’s not a sign your relationship is broken.
It’s a sign your communication system needs adjusting.
Healthy communication isn’t about perfection. It’s about learning how to repair quickly and listen deeply.
And sometimes, all it takes is one slow breath before you speak.
Because when people feel heard, they soften.
And when they soften, connection returns.
Debra Bragança is a registered Counsellor with The Australian Counselling Association. She supports women, couples and families to help them work through life's many challenges.
She is trained in a number of evidence-based therapies including CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy), ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy), Emotionally Focused Therapy for Individuals, Couples & Families (EFT), Gottman Couples Method Therapy, including Affair & Trauma Recovery and is certified in Clinical Trauma.